So, who here actually likes these Transformers films? For me, it would depend on which ones we’re talking about. The first one was great fun, and I’m more than happy to stand up for it. Not a masterpiece, but the action was well done, and I enjoyed myself. However, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was absolutely terrible. The Autobots became impossible to tell apart, the humans were given more time to be unfunny and awkward, and the whole thing was filled with far too much shit. Then the third film called Transformers: Dark of the Moon came out, and people seemed to think that although it was a little bit better than the previous film, it was still terrible. I disagree, as I reckon this film was even worse. The human scenes became an exercise in anti-comedy, where everything about them made me feel sadder and less happy. The plot reached new levels of terribleness and boredom. Each time a well respected thespian came on to very clearly read lines off an auto-cue, I Just got even sadder. It’s everything I could think of when I picture a sad, bad movie. So, will this new film be similarly godawful?
After the events of the third film, which I choose not to remember, all the Autobots and Decepticons are being hunted by a secret government organisation run by Kesley Grammer. However, Optimus Prime is discovered in hiding by an idealistic inventor played by Mark Warlberg, leading to him and his daughter to end up joining the Autobots. They also bring along the daughter’s Irish racer boyfriend, who Mark Warlberg hates for some reason. Meanwhile, Kesley Grammer is working alongside tech billionaire Stanley Tucci to create man-made Transformers based on tech gained from dead Transformers such as Megatron. However, this goes about as badly as you might expect, so all the man-made Transformers start causing a ruckus. Can the Autobots save the day with the help of that Texan guy with the obvious Boston accent? And can they survive the attacks from Ironhide, a galactic bounty hunter looking to kill Optimus Prime?
There’s a lot of plot to fit into this movie, and I don’t think I managed to get all of it in there. This is the first problem of this film, as there is just too much to take in here. The plots surrounding the man-made robots and the bounty hunter feel excessive and separate from one another, and I bet either one of them could have been removed to make sure that the film wasn’t too complicated. The script isn’t good enough to support the complexity and heavy-handed nature of all this either, as characters either speak in basic witticisms or, in Warlberg’s case, strangely sincere quotes designed to only be used in the trailers. Speaking of the human characters, the cast of humans isn’t as bad as it used to be. However, a lot of time is still dedicated to boring romantic relationships, father problems, and the least subtle references to modern issues and policies possible. This is a film where Kesley Grammer might as well shout at everyone that he represents the NSA, or Stanley Tucci telling everyone that he’s a stand-in for Steve Jobs. Even worse, character motivations and descriptions change all the time, making it clear how disjointed the plot is. Warlberg changes his mind from ‘we must learn everything about technology’ to ‘we musn’t tamper in God’s domain’ almost instantly, while Tucci becomes heroic despite no previous warning.
However, despite all the problems I have with this film, there’s something about it that I like. This is very dumb movie, and I hate the argument that certain films can be described as ‘Turn Your Brain Off’ Popcorn Fodder, and should therefore be exempt from all criticism. That attitude is basically asking everyone to be dumber, and to hate people who want to think about the things they consume. On that note, the action direction for this film is far better than it has been in previous Transformers films, and I could easily see what Autobots were which. The robots are much better in this film, and there were barely any of them that I hated. Even though there’s a Samurai Autobot that calls Optimus ‘Sensei’, there wasn’t anything overtly racist or any insensitive references in this film, which is an improvement over last time. And then, we get to the Dinobots. They don’t have a big role in the film, and are only in the last half hour as part of the big robot showdown, but they were delightful. Watching Optimus riding a giant mechanical T-Rex while holding a sword to the skies is something I thought was only capable in dreams, but this film has that.
So, should you go see this film about giant robots beating the shit out of each other? I would normally say it depends on your opinion on the franchise, but I wasn’t a fan before. I’m not saying this changes everything about Transformers as a film series, but this film is easily one of the better films out of them all. All it needs is a shorter running time, a better plot, and maybe less time hanging out with humans and their dumb human problems. The focus on Chinese scenery is fine, although it’s odd that the previous patriotic Transformers series goes to great lengths to portray every Chinese character as calm and collected compared to the usually schizophrenic Americans. Either way, the robot fights and the big Dinobots were everything I could have ever hoped for, and I left the cinema feeling happy enough. Anyone who says that these films are the worst thing ever should give this film a chance at some point, and maybe they can be surprised. I can’t guarantee everyone can like it, but those who do will find a very flawed yet enjoyable fantasy action romp.
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